I admit I stayed on the dean’s list and graduated magna cum laude. But I haven’t always been the sharpest crayon in the box when it comes to accepting truth and dating.
Guys would sometimes tell me: “I’m working on me right now.” “I’m not trying to be tied down to one person.” “I’ve got three kids who have different mothers.” “I’ve been looking for a job, but there’s no opportunities out there.” “I’m just not a phone person.” “I think we’d be better just as friends.”
There’s nothing like hearing these words that hurt worse than fifty stings from a gang of yellow jackets on an autumn day. Often times when our hearts are super curious, we can get delirious. When our mind is invested, our perspective gets congested. When we are ready to commit, we’ll go above and beyond to acquit.
So how do we often handle the truth?
1. We twist the truth.
Forget the myths and set your feelings aside. Truth be told, men are very straightforward. They’re words can shoot like an arrow, target your ear canal, and yet somehow the translation of truth gets re-interpreted. We’ll often replay the convo in our mind and decisively run it through our “fantasy filter.”
This filter pulls in what a guy says, but magically converts his statement into what we want to hear or what we really believe he’s saying. We listen to his mouth, but convince ourselves he’s got to saying something different with his heart.
However, a woman of confidence will take a man’s word for what it is. It may be challenging or hurtful to hear. But twisting the truth to the tune of your fantasy just leads to an off key connection that ends flat.
The TRUTH about love is so straight UP,
it never has to bend DOWN or OVER for anybody.
2. We ignore the truth.
Imagine seeing a guy across the street living it up in a pile of mud. You peep beyond your curtains and see this with your own two eyes. Eventually he rings your doorbell and you answer the door. He looks clean from head to ankle. You glance at his muddy feet, but choose to welcome him in anyway. A trail of dirty footprints are left behind as you become head over heels about enjoying his company. And the stains march right on into the heart of your home.
The same applies to relationships. There are times when you see behavior and can calculate consistencies, but unfortunately you choose to ignore them. But just like no one can overlook mud stains on clean carpet, you can’t ignore the dirt he’s tracking into your life.
Face it. Some guys will fess up about the challenges he’s bringing on board with him (i.e. a rocky past, a lineup of baggage, and a dump load of drama). A confident woman knows God gave her eyes, intuition, and wisdom to use. Don’t allow your ignorance convince you that dirt is bliss or doesn’t really exist.
3. We defend the truth.
Have you ever had a friend or relative who tries to introduce the new man in her life…and starts off with “Now don’t say anything until I’m finished” or “Now he has XYZ, but I believe in him because of ABC.” I’ve been there before (on both sides)! You feel forced to mention the unfortunate truths about his neon red flags. Yet you defend the reasons why the relationship can still blossom into an “us against the world” romance. You literally start working harder than a full time public defender on a retainer.
However, your defense of hurtful, reputation-ruining, and demeaning truths will only result in committing an offense to your life.
It’s similar to visiting a luxury car lot. Ever notice how they never have salesmen running around desperately pleading with someone to buy a car? There’s no one dancing on the sidewalk begging people to stop in. When you’ve got a product that is reputable, the quality speaks for itself.
When you’ve got a relationship that possesses worth, you won’t need to cough up an advertisement campaign just so your friends and family will see the quality (or lack of) in a man. His magnetic reputation will undoubtedly shine. Besides a woman of confidence wants a man who will defend her dignity, instead of having a man who needs her to secure his image.
Whether you’re in the getting to know phase or officially dating HIM, remember to be truthful to yourself first. Really listen. Remember what you want and stand up for what you deserve. Consider what’s best and healthy for you before going further with someone who has some truths that may or may not be worthy of your love, time, and commitment.
Question: Have you ever cheated yourself by twisting, ignoring, or defending the truth? How might dating be different if more women would accept truth – whether it was one to cherish or challenging to hear? Please leave a comment below.